Tales of the Tea Shop: Katara versus University
by Eduard Tubin
Summary: Katara has the help of Azula and Karo to enroll in Ba Sing Se University. This involves paperwork and waiting in line, as well as incurring debt and on occasion beating up large burly guys and scaring Monkey poodles.


**Tales of the Tea Shop**

**Katara Enrolls in Ba Sing Se University**

**How to Rule the World: From a Girl Who Tried It**

1: Contact the Fire Nation Military: They can be reached at by post or telegram at Fire Nation Capitol: 1527 Tepho Plaza. M1N 3Z2. If you have a telephone then you may contact them at KAI 311 1939 through the Overseas Operator. Clearly state that you wish to rule the Earth, laugh like a maniac and provide a simple and concise plan. Do not mention airships!

2: Contact Fire Lord Zuko at the Fire Nation Capitol: #1 Palace Street. M1Q 4T3. He lacks a direct phone but the palace office may be reached at KAI 310 1066 through the Overseas Operator. Explain to the receptionist that 'he owes you a favor'.

3: Contact the Department of Astrophysics and tell them you need the dates of all the eclipses and the next arrival of Sozin's Comet. This allows you to prepare your attacks in advance. You may reach them by post at Ba Sing Se: University of Ba Sing Se - co Astrophysics #45 Ba Sing Se University Boulevard. 19787. The University has a switchboard but it frequently doesn't direct calls where needed – if you feel like gambling call DOYOOBI 109 0987 and ask for the head of the astronomy department.

4: Contact Avatar Aang for help. This never works but most large regional centers have an Air Nomad Consulate that can probably direct you to his location. Consult your local directory assistance operator for the number. He has no interest in ruling the world but it never hurts to ask.

5: Storm the local telephone company. In Ba Sing Se you may find their offices at the Upper Ring #270 Thirty Seventh Avenue. You may call their Consumer Relations Department at ICHIGO 079 1211. Tell them that you will not pay your phone bill unless you receive their help in taking over the world – One day the phone company will rule the World – Mwah HA HA HA!

* * *

"Call that number and my mom will kill you." Karo glared at Azula as she sat on the small living room chair with the large metal candle stick phone in her hand. She had to crank the handle – hope to get an operator – then carefully speak the number she wanted. She could not place an overseas call without asking the operator on the other end for the 'Overseas' operator but Karo decided she had no need to know this. Karo and his mother lived in a pleasant stone two story townhouse and they owned the latest bit of high tech - a telephone. Uncle Iroh had seen no need to hook up to the phone network but the primitive telephone technology had become popular among the upper classes of Ba Sing Se who could afford one.

"And if it's three in the afternoon here then its the middle of the night in the Fire Nation – can't quite tell if it is Wednesday or Thursday." Karo knew the world had a system of time zones – centered on the Fire Nation capitol – for a reason he could not fathom. Ba Sing Se threw a huge monkey wrench into the works because they set their clocks a half hour ahead of any other place on the same line of longitude. The Earth King palace eunuchs had decided on 'Ba Sing Se Standard Time' when Azula conquered Ba Sing Se. It made scheduling a pain and caused further problems because the Palace Eunuchs decided to set the clocks one hour back in October and one hour ahead in April to cause further confusion. Once the Fire Nation left for good the City Council decided to keep using Ba Sing Se Standard Time because they 'did not wish to cause further confusion.'

"If Katara rented your spare bedroom where did she go to? I came here to help her fill out all the paperwork she needs to apply for University." Azula placed the phone down on the dark wooden stand where it dominated the room. Karo's mother had money and she had spent it redecorating the house in the latest Fire Nation fashions with deep red wooden floors and the finest furnishings in the living room and the fine kitchen and attached dining room.

"You came because you had nothing better to do." Karo sat on a reclining chair and placed his feet up on the dark wooden coffee table. "And my mom left yesterday to inspect the old Fire Nation family estates. As she left on the ship she told me – don't let Azula call me at some unforgivable hour of the night – or I will disown you."

"Sorry. I'm late." Katara entered the door and tossed the daily mail on the coffee table and sat down on a rather nice red velvet couch. "Do the schedules for Ba Sing Se transit reflect reality?"

"No." Azula put her feet on the coffee table. "You have to lose that innate sense of direction that your Water Tribe background gave you and develop a new 'transit sense'. Ignore landmarks, compass directions and you have to find the longest way possible to get to where you need to go – that is your transit route."

"Anyone want tea?" Karo lifted his feet off the coffee table and seemed to slide into standing position. He stood up and pointed to the direction of the kitchen. "And does anyone know how to make tea?"

"I can make tea – show me to your larder." Katara stood up and patted Karo on the shoulder.

"What the hell is a larder?" Karo asked politely.

"Kitchen." Katara looked out the window and saw a yard smaller than a large bedroom but it had a nice bird feeder and a small spruce tree surrounded by grass. The design of the house reflected the city – small and crowded but Zhao could afford at least a small front and back yard with her townhouse. The kitchen had red tile back splashes and a nice light salmon pink marble with dark bands in it. The kitchen cupboards had fine woodwork with reddish black granite counter tops and a stainless steel sink. Katara could water bend but a modern Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation kitchen had running water and she could sense the water in the pipes all around her. Some worked as drains for the bathroom upstairs, others headed down into a boiler and others supplied water to fixtures. Karo found the red kettle and placed water in it and handed Katara the tea pot and strainer and a glass container of dried tea.

"Get away from the phone!" Karo felt a tingling in his neck and yelled. He immediately felt he had acted rudely and said: "Please?"

Clang!

"I didn't make any long distance calls." Azula yelled back. "I ordered food from my favorite place – the Fire Nation Colonel's Fried Komodo Chicken. I love their salad. I'll pick up the tab."

"How did you get that number?" Karo had some concern that Azula had gone through the information switchboard and incurred charges he would later have to explain.

"Coupon came in the mail." Azula came into the kitchen and heard the loud _fump_ and saw the deep blue flame as the stove's front right burner lit and Katara placed the kettle down.

Katara stared out of kitchen window and felt the kind of closed in someone feels when they know they can escape but an escape will allow you to gain no more open space. She had a view of the street from her window and she noticed the gas lights never went out and in a city as large as Ba Sing Se she never heard the kind of quiet of the Southern Water Tribe homeland. Karo never noticed – she would say 'did you hear the raccoons' and he would reply he slept through it.

"Placing prank calls to people you hate?" Karo gave Azula questioning look as if he expected to find a bill labeled 'Urgent! Demand Notice for Five Hundred Gold' from the phone company. "I know why Iroh never had a phone installed. 'Suki? Is it two in the morning on Kyoshi Island cause it's noon here and this call is collect.'"

"We came to help Katara with her University Admission Forms." Azula half picked up and half shoved Karo to one side as she reached for a couple of fire gummies. These dark reddish brown, chewy, cinnamon flavored, sweet candies had caught on around the world after the war like a flu virus in a packed daycare. The exact ingredients used remained a secret – some suspected their addictive nature arose from the use of cocaine while others thought they might have been laced with sedative drugs. No one had picked up a reliable psychological effect but one was never enough. A glass jar of Earth Kingdom flakes sat next to the fire gummies. Fire flakes never became popular outside of the Fire Nation because they had a rather awful charcoal black color and tasted like fried rice with soy added as a binder and something sweet to add flavor. Earth Kingdom flakes had the slogan 'The Official Cereal of Earth Rumble' on the marketing copy – much better than Fire Flakes 'What We Feed Prisoners of War – So Far No Ill Effects'. Earth Kingdom Flakes consisted of wheat and corn combined with sugar syrup and a mild flavoring to keep the diner's interest along with small amounts of chalk and titanium dioxide to keep them from sticking in clumps. Fire flakes were eaten without milk but the Earth kingdom breakfast included milk or for the frat crowd – beer. Fire flakes did not hold up well in milk and became tar like in beer so that put Earth Kingdom customers off.

"Have I made the right decision?" Katara asked Karo but expected Azula to answer once she had a chance to swallow. "What will I take and how do I pay all the bills?"

"Work the system girl." Azula waited impatiently as she needed tea to counter the medication that dulled her mind. "I have a pension and the Fire Nation picked up my tab – Zuko placed the funds in trust and that paid for my costs. Karo received a good deal of money from his father and he draws an income to pay for school. You served Earth Kingdom and King Kue and the Northern Water and both owe you a favor."

"I filled out the 'Personal Information Form' and when it came to schooling I had to say 'home schooled'." Katara placed the forms down on the table and looked very depressed.

"Home schooled?" Azula picked up the form and examined it. "You can say 'Southern Water Tribe Private Girls Academy'."

"My grandmother taught me." Katara did not seem convinced as she looked down at the papers and fanned them out. "I can't lie on these forms – what if they check?"

"The dog sled is in the shop. Penguins ate the mailman?" Azula accepted a cup of tea as Karo passed the tea around around. She knew the Southern Water Tribe had not yet benefited from the new technology such as the telephone or telegraph. Any mail sent their had a first name and 'Southern Water Tribe' and usually found its way to the recipient by mere word of mouth. They had largely gone back to their quaint ways of hunting and fishing and water bending and no one had seen enough profit in it to run telegraph cable over to the main settlements.

"I don't often side with Azula on the 'simple falsehood better than a complex truth' but you make more of the application process than you need to." Karo handed Katara some tea and turned the gas ring off. "The University needs serious students and you also have some powerful allies."

"You have 'Avatar Aang' on your list of personal references." Azula held up the form to the light. Katara had annoyingly neat and girly handwriting. "I think that guarantees you some serious consideration. Have him plop down with Appa in the Quad and blow that Owl Themed weather vane off the roof of the library if you have any problem."

"What do I say for hobbies?" Katara held her tea and pointed over the shoulder of Azula at the application for admissions form.

"Skinning seals? You guys do that don't you?" Azula snapped the form with her finger as she read down it and examined it closely. "Midwifery? You put down midwifery!?"

"I have helped my grandmother deliver children and once had to deliver a child on my own in the wilderness." Katara stood proudly as if receiving an award.

"Ouch or ew! I feel torn between those two reactions. I found out how this all worked when I was nine and my mom caught me kissing Ty Lee in the palace garden near the turtle duck pond and wanted to talk to me." Azula's eyes glazed over. "She said one day I would feel attracted to boys and then she explained the sheer joy she felt as she shot something out of her body the size and mass of one of your larger type lawn bowling balls. I barfed and still can't make my stomach settle when the topic comes up."

"My mom gave me a long winded story about love which explained nothing – so she gave me a romance novel." Karo leaned up against the stove. "I got nothing out of it except I discovered I found the hunky painted guy on the cover the attractive one."

"What would you do if a woman in labor needed your help?" Katara asked.

"Same thing I would do if I had to face the Boar – Q – Pine with a tin whistle and no ability to fire bend. Panic and run away." Azula hid her disgust behind the application paper. "I still think the parasitic wasp has this 'reproduction' thing about right. I could find a victim and say 'Hey Babycakes' or whatever in a seductive voice, kiss him, sting him to implant my eggs. I could then leave and my offspring would eat him from the insides."

"Don't ever touch me." Karo said quietly to Azula then turned to advise Katara. "Still you need to list hobbies not the sort of thing circumstances press you into doing. You have acted as a midwife maybe a few times in your life. It really doesn't count as something you do to pass your time – you don't wander down the obstetrics wing acting as a labor coach do you? I put down 'Astronomy', 'Creative Writing', and 'Games'. You could list your hobbies and things you do for fun and recreation."

"I put 'Games', 'Reading' and 'Science.' Azula held out the form and pointed at the lines for 'Hobbies and Interests'. "Whatever you do don't put any information on these forms that will 'stick' like 'pillage, arson that kind of thing."

"I enjoy cooking." Katara offered.

"The tea has proven quite agreeable." Karo smiled pleasantly. "That gives you one hobby."

"You enjoy irritating me." Azula began to think of how to spin that into a hobby. "Preachy bitch doesn't quite capture what we need here. How do we spin your preachy pedantic ways into something positive – Teaching?"

"I taught children when I lived at home." Katara smacked Azula but had to admit she had the genius for marketing. "Okay teaching."

"You don't need more than two. They really don't care: they want to weed out the people who have normal hobbies from those who list 'serial killer' or 'cannibalism' as hobbies." Azula tapped her fingers thoughtfully on the paper. "Those people get fast tracked into law school or accounting."

The Komodo Chicken Delivery Guy had aspirations and they did not include knocking on the oak door of a townhouse door at half past three in the afternoon. Many doubts crossed his mind – had he got the right address? Would this be another delivery to some fake address? Would a mugging ensue? Did the stupid paper hat and stupid red striped outfit look as stupid as he thought? He sighed with relief when a cute Water Tribe girl opened the door.

"The chicken has arrived." Katara shouted into the house.

"How much do we owe you?" Azula raised her eyebrow and looked at the tall delivery boy. He wore a stupid looking paper hat but what struck her was that his face looked as if a zit had carpet bombed it.

"Three gold seven silver please?" He bowed politely and placed the paper bucket down on the stoop. Azula handed him the three gold eight silver and a gum wrapper as a tip. He trotted down the steps and boarded a tired looking ostrich horse that wore a sandwich board advertising the new franchise. Azula saw a man who truly hated his life. She picked up the paper bucket and slammed the door shut.

"Komodo Chicken – fried potato wedgies and some kind of salad....all at room temperature." Kara unloaded the bucket. "A Fire Nation Colonel's hat made of paper."

"I ordered the salad for myself since I don't eat meat but they also make good fried potato wedgies." Azula saw Karo unfold and place the hat on his head. It had the look of a Fire Nation helmet complete with the red eye protectors and a comical Komodo Chicken logo on the side. "The helmet that once threw fear into the hearts of men of the other nation now sells chicken."

"Still awfully ugly." Karo took the helmet off and sat down at the dining room area table as Katara handed out the plates. "You have some time but you should begin about what courses you will choose."

"I don't know what to take. What if I take a course and the professor can't teach?" Katara sat down and Karo passed out pieces from the bucket. Azula poured tea for herself and passed on the pot to Karo.

"You will be taught by professors – so of course they can't teach." Azula sneered and sipped her tea. "Tenure means you have done much to clutter the journals with articles that have obscure titles. Nothing implies that you can communicate at any level in a human language to students who know next to nothing about your field of expertise."

"The level of entropy in the Universe tends toward a maximum. Ordered systems tend toward disorder and entropy is a measure of that disorder." Karo said between bites of friend Komodo chicken which to him had far too much salt and had remained in the deep fryer far too long – but grease and salt had addictive properties all their own. Katara gave Karo a very confused look.

"It is always easier to make a mess than to clean it up and the Universe constantly makes more of a mess?" Azula tried to translate."I fall off an airship and hit the ground at some insane speed – SPLAT – and they end up mopping me into a bucket for the funeral. I once had order but end up as a nasty goo with much less order. I mean you might spot a hint of brain or a glimmer of liver in the bucket...."

"Okay!" Katara held a potato wedge in her hand and gestured for Azula to stop. "I get the concept."

"In academics the level of disorder rises with the tenure of the professor. The more he knows the less he can clearly explain. You have to translate what the professor says into plain language, take notes and study." Karo explained further as he sipped the now lukewarm tea. "The trick comes down to knowing what you need to know to write the exam or a term paper but I can help you better play the game."

"I still don't know what courses to take." Katara wiped her hands on a napkin.

"A full time slate of courses consists of five courses for each term – fall and winter. No rule says you can't take fewer or more although they stop you after you have enrolled in seven." Azula held a paper salad container as if it were a prop. "For some reason the stress from more than seven courses causes depression and suicides. I had often cause to wonder if the two were linked."

"So how do you pick your courses?" Katara pleaded.

"Well you have two kinds of courses – the courses they make you take to weed out the serious students from the also rans – these include Earth Kingdom Literature, Calculus or for the weak, some other first year science course and Earth Kingdom History. Check the calendar for what you need to take." Azula leaned back and with one quick motion launched the paper container that held her macaroni salad in the garbage pail. "You don't have to decide just yet. I have an idea – we can go lawn bowling and discuss it after we have all eaten."

* * *

"I hope we helped." Karo wore a red night gown as he left the bathroom for Katara. "You beat us both at lawn bowling – let that be a lesson to us."

"I will turn in my forms tomorrow." Katara closed the door and ran water in the sink. The house had hot and cold running water – a sign that the Zhao's had money – she brushed her teeth and placed her clothes in a neat pile and tucked them under her arm then put on the nice red night robe Lady Zhao had offered to her. She came to the awful realization she had fallen in with two geeks. Azula had the social grace of a drunken miner carrying the jars of nitro glycerin – Katara already knew that. Azula had grown up as a clumsy tomboy and she didn't think about people most of the time but weird facts intrigued her. The lovable and affable Karo had no interests in sports but loved science and games. Katara found him pleasant and attractive with a cute face but he had no interest in girls, could name more than one shade of red and had a sensitive nature most women loved which meant he had to be gay.

Katara turned the gas off and the lights dimmed and went out with a pop. She closed the washroom door and walked down the dimly lit hallway into the her room. She left the light on while she opened the window to let fresh air in. She had a nice bed, a dresser with a mirror and a desk neatly placed beside the window. The wood all had a deep red color in keeping with the rest of the house. She turned the light off and settled under the blue themed covers. Lady Zhao turned out to have a sweet nature that reminded Katara of her mom. She had long black hair she kept in a style like Azula's and dressed as a lady of the Fire Nation. She had to leave but had made sure Katara had the supplies she needed. Katara had trouble accepting that so many of the Fire Nation people she met had sweet natures but Iroh, Lady Zhao and Karo had good intentions. Even Azula in her own oddly amoral way grew on you because she had such an ingenious mind.

She lay in the bed as the dim yellow light of a gas street lamp came through her window and made odd looking shadows on her door. Had the city angled the light to bother her? She had never seen anyone light the lights but they came on with a hiss and a click. She assumed some Fire Nation automation played a role here. Avatar Aang had returned the world to peace and balance on one level – all nations had equal status - but now people referred to the two 'developed' nations – The Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation which had industrialization and a large consumer economy. They referred to the The Water Tribe and the Air Nomads as 'developing nations '– although since the Air Nomads consisted of a monastic order some didn't count them at all. She assured herself that she had a long day and these petty worries would all resolve themselves in time.

Karo stayed up late reading a book Azula had lent him. He found the idea of a dystopia fascinating and so kept reading further into the book. In the novel a man found out about a conspiracy to hide the ugly truth about the food supply from the public – the world had run out of food and turned to eating the dead processed through the massive machinery of the Soylent Corporation. Karo found himself captivated by this book and stayed up late reading and he ignored all the noises outside the house as he lost himself in his book.

"Oh nuts I forgot to check the mail. What if we got a bill? What if an important letter came from my mom?" Karo stood up from his desk and heard the clock strike twelve and went downstairs. He enjoyed a brief moment of free-fall.

Thump! Crack! Thump!

"Ow!" He had fallen down the stairs in the dark and landed near the front door on his back. Karo held a sprained ankle and jumped and swore at the top of his lungs which he judged the correct procedure for the occasion. Only one phrase would pass by the censors at a basic cable cartoon channel. "Oh sweet mother of all Creation."

"What happened?" Katara asked loudly as she rushed out of her room.

"I fell down the stairs." Karo sat against the door with his back against it flooded with unbearable pain holding his left ankle. "I sprained my left ankle if I got lucky or I broke it. I will figure that out after I go into shock."

"I know how to help." Katara leaned forward in the dim light and placed her hand on Karo's left ankle. Karo could see a dim blue glow and he felt a renewed energy flowing through his leg.

"Oh that makes it more bearable." Karo had some pain in his ankle. Katara could sense no broken bones – just a simple sprain. "Thanks....have you considered becoming a doctor? I feel almost ready to stand. Usually they take X-Rays and tell me to spend a week with ice on it. All you need is a medical degree and a medical insurance number."

"Keep off of it for a week but I don't think you broke it." Katara gave him a sweet smile. "What got you up in the middle of the night?"

"I'm a night owl. I was reading and came down to check the mail. I forgot to do that before we retired." Karo stood up and felt some pain but Katara held him up. "Thanks. If you weren't here I would have had to limp to the doctor's and limp back. Can you fix hay fever?"

* * *

"I thought I would see Karo today." Azula pointed at the Pai Sho table as Katara sat down. "We were supposed to head over with you and complete your registration."

"He took a header down the stairs and sprained his ankle." Katara set her bag down. "He wanted to come with us but I didn't think he should overdo it with a bad ankle."

"Took a header down the stairs?" Azula's eyes narrowed. "How did that happen?"

"He got up to check something and missed a step." Katara pulled out her papers from a pleasant looking light gray bag with blue banding. "He will be okay – but he shouldn't use his ankle too much."

"Hardly tolerable." Azula placed a catalog from the local phone company on the table and stood up. "He has always acted to keep us from killing each other."

"We have to file my papers." Katara reminded Azula who stood up slowly. "I can do it alone but you may come along if you wish."

"Uh...this doesn't mean I like you." Azula grumbled but placed her chair against the table.

"Lady Ursa descended from Avatar Roku – this is true?" Katara watched Azula get up slowly and then begin to walk slowly to the door. She delicately placed the papers back in the bag and followed.

"Yes I come from the lineage of Avatar Roku." Azula answered back and had the nagging feeling this conversation would take her down her past and into uncomfortable places. "He had a dragon."

"How come when you speak you never say anything?" Katara let the door close as he saw Iroh serving and flirting with three elderly ladies.

"I have to stick to facts." Azula walked slowly down the street toward the park and the train platforms. "You imply that I have somehow inherited part of Roku's kindness without implying any kind of mechanism by which I could come to inherit it. By that logic I should have a dragon because he had one."

"I have a feeling you will torture me with logic." Katara placed her hands behind her back.

"You have entered my world." Azula grinned with a sincerely clever Cheshire cat like grin. "I just saw my uncle flirting with three ladies whose median age is the square of mine. I simply don't want to know."

"What were you going to do after I hand in all my papers?" Katara diplomatically changed the topic. She had learned to do this with Azula because if she let Azula follow her own thoughts it often led into tortured fits of logic – Azula had ideas totally at odds with hers but could argue them far better. Azula believed the mind consisted of the brain at work and nothing else and argued that if one could understand what the brain did while working they could build a machine. When Katara had asked about the size of such a machine Azula gave an estimate about the size of the moon plus or minus the size of the moon. Azula gave Katara and Karo fits with another problem to do with Pai Sho and hinted she knew the answer. Azula asked 'Is Pai Sho decidable' or rather such a game that it could be reduced to a finite set of logical operations and then carried out on a machine with instructions on paper tape? Azula never gave the answer but so many of her ideas involved that awful machine, paper tape and logic.

"I wanted to hit the library and bookstore then see how badly Karo gimped his ankle." Azula did not look at Katara and appeared lost in speculation – in reality she had seen a man on a bike careen into a mailman which sent up a shower of letters as the two tumbled down the street. Both men stood up, bowed and brushed themselves off. The moment of slapstick gave Azula some small amusement.

"We should do something together as girls?" Katara began to walk up the ramp to the train and then realized she had said something that a lesbian might take as a pass.

"Oh?" Azula blushed. She became quiet and lost in thought as if she had the shift as supervisor at a nuclear reactor or air traffic control center when someone said 'oops.' She had the quiet kind of introspection of someone trying to avoid a messy cock up or stage the cover up.

"Not what you think – ok." Katara held her voice patient. "We could go to a spa I know and have ourselves all made up."

"Uh." Azula saw a train approaching. "Made up as what?"

"Oh have a foot scrub, steam and mud bath....just enjoy having someone pamper us." Katara offered. "You could have your feet scrubbed and take a nice bath – you know we have done anything together."

"Okay." Azula cracked a smile. "Should we invite Karo? Maybe it might help his ankle."

"Would he enjoy this?" Katara laughed.

"I think so." Azula did not have any idea why Katara would take to laughing.

The University of Ba Sing Se admission process proved simple – hand in your sheet to the clerk and then receive confirmation. It worked that way in theory but the girls had to contend with a line that filled the Administration lobby and wound down several halls and out the door. Katara preached the virtue of patience as Azula proofread her application forms – First Year students had to apply in person in the oppressive heat and four to six hour long line up to test their metal. In many ways if you made it to the front of the line without losing it and rushing off in a huff, collapsing as your blood sugar plummeted or dying of dehydration you were in. Ceiling fans blew stale air over the crowd who did what everyone does in lines – complained about the heat, wondered what held things up and discuss whether the rumor was true that someone died last year of a brain aneurysm. A small kiosk offered cool lemonade or a special kind of water that contained Lithium which they claimed acted as a balm for nerves.

"How long do we have to wait in this line up?" Katara complained as she felt the humid heat soak into her clothes.

"As long as it takes." Azula counted several hundred people in front of her. "Which may include an ice age or two."

"You don't have a last name?" Azula held out the form.

"Water Tribe – Loyal." Katara pointed at the sheet with her name.

"Okay." Azula scanned down the form. "Aang doesn't have a last name?"

"Avatar Aang?" Katara pointed further down on the form.

"So Aang is his last name?" Azula had a pencil in her left hand.

"Do you think anyone will not know who he is?"

"Master Pakku?" Azula flipped the sheet over.

"My water bending teacher."

"Remind me to kick him in the shins when you introduce us." Azula muttered. She found the date missing at the bottom of the sheet. "You forgot the date and to sign the bottom."

"I don't know what to put there." Katara looked uneasy. "I grew up in the Southern Water Tribe and we used a different calendar."

"Well it isn't seal clubbing week." Azula looked at the tall young man in line in front of her. She knew nothing about the Water Tribes as a citizen of one 'developed' country living in the capitol city of another. She underestimated the technological and military prowess of the Water Tribes by a factor of about ten.

"Do you mind if I use your back?" Azula asked the tall man.

"Do I get anything out of this?" The man had a stingy looking beard and dressed like an Earth Kingdom farmer. "We could go for a date?"

"I have to fix this form." Azula glared at the tall tanned man and pointed the pencil at him. "If you get very very lucky I won't stab you with this pencil. If you get very unlucky I will stab both your eyes out with this pencil. Please hold still."

"Psychotic witch." The man turned around and refused to speak. Katara turned and offered her back to Azula in order to avoid having to heal a stab wound or having to bail out Azula.

"August 25th – 1903." Azula penned the Earth Kingdom date. Avatar Realm calendars proved a real pain – even more than time zones. The Earth Kingdom calendar had a standard 365 year day with leap years every fourth year. The Earth Kingdom calendar corrected for the fact that the year was by their measure 365.2524 days long – by dictating that every fourth century they would not have a leap year – the year 1900 was not a leap year. If Azula placed her phone call to Zuko she faced an even bigger pain – the Fire Nation calendar did not make this correction and so their dates differed by one day. Only people using the telephone cared when they found out their Fire Nation friends (if any) had taken off to the beach for the weekend. Azula had a theory that Zuko did this to make it harder for bitter, lonely victims of the war to prank call the palace switchboard.

The line moved and people complained and papers shuffled and the line wound around the large University Center Hall – named for some long dead guy – out the front door and along the outside of the building. Katara began to wonder if she had embarked on a new quest. She imagined the line as an evil entity holding her back from her quest to obtain wisdom. She told Azula this and Azula reminded her University did not confer wisdom as often as it conferred debt. The ceiling fans mounted in the high barrel vaults of the stone ceiling did not seem to move air but they rattled a good deal and Katara badly wished Aang could have come along and used his air bending.

Azula leaned up against a large glass display case with brass plaques of the names of major and important Alumni of the University listed by the amount of their tax deductible donation to give her feet a rest.

"Oh good grief!" Katara's shoulder's slumped. "How long do they think we can wait?"

"We may grow old together." Azula glanced at her nails and wondered if she should take some 'me' time and irritate Katara. "In the days of yore this place used to have lines so long that you had to put your watch ahead one hour at the back of the line."

"That girl cut in front of you." Azula pointed to a very nicely dressed Earth kingdom girl carrying a poodle monkey as she put her hand around the guy with the big shoulders who had refused Azula's request to use his back. She had fine long blond hair with hair decorations of green jade, lots of make up and a perfume that smelled vaguely of roses and chloroform. She kissed her boyfriend and thanked him for holding her place while she had gone off to fix her hair.

"Hey! Please don't take this as rude but you can't cut in like that. How fair is that to the rest of us who have waited her the better part of the morning?" Katara put her hands on her hips and scowled a deep and frightening scowl that made Azula wonder if the poodle monkey with pink hair would survive the water bending attack or come apart in small bits. Azula hated poodle monkeys and hoped for the animal to come apart in nasty bits and waited.

"Oh dear little Water Tribe girl we do things different in the big city." The girl seemed to enjoy the protection and coverage of her large boyfriend and she smiled with a look of utter contempt as if Katara were some kind of a rube.

"Wrong answer." Azula muttered as Katara drove her fist into the groin of the large guy. The poodle monkey whined as the guy turned green and fell over then spit up a tooth and vomited on the ground.

"Can this dear Water Tribe girl keep her place in line?" Katara asked very politely. She had the voice of utter calm as she stepped over the nearly unconscious man. The girl trembled and held her poodle monkey close.

"Tell him a good thing came out of this." Azula still had the fantastic sense of balance and stood on the husky man's writhing body. She bent over and picked up the tooth and handed it to the girl – placing it in her hand and wrapping her hand around it. "He lost a back molar so he won't need his wisdom teeth taken out. The dentist may just get it to fit back in if you get him there in time."

The girl helped the guy to his feet and they walked off – saying nothing and they left quietly out a side door. Everyone witnessed the incident but no one cared since they hated people who butted in line.

"Uh yeah?" The woman behind the counter looked at Katara who had punched a guy in the stomach. She badly needed tea and fresh air and looked half asleep and totally apathetic. "Can I see your admission forms?"

Katara handed over the forms shyly.

"How can you stay calm? I feel so bad that I did that to some poor human." Katara watched as the clerk looked at the forms and inspected each one. She made red stamps – Katara had no idea what this meant – then filed them on a pile. The clerk looked middle aged, married and not quite enjoying her job at the moment. She had graying brunette hair and stood taller than Azula. She had seen riots, a stabbing and the odd theft so an assault didn't bother her much.

"I got five gold from his pocket." Azula held up five pieces of paper – the Earth Kingdom had switched to paper currency – but the bills stood for pieces of gold in a manner no one except economists fully understood.

"Your last name is 'Water Tribe Loyal'?" Stamp!

"Yes." Katara looked at Azula who said nothing. "We pronounce it differently – like so."

"I'll take your word for it." The clerk yawned and stamped the form again. "You know Avatar Aang?"

"Yes." Stamp!

"You have the Bei Fongs listed in your list of references. May we contact them?

"Certainly." Stamp! Stamp!

"Fire Lord Zuko?" The clerk seemed to have renewed interest in the long list of important people Katara knew.

"My brother the putz." Azula produced a black yo yo and began playing with it in various ways. "I am Princess Azula of the Fire Nation."

"Yes." The clerk paused issued another stamp and asked without any real interest in the answer. "You two don't get along?"

"I have nothing against him but we see the world differently." Azula watched the yo yo with the kind of intensity physics students watched them.

"Alright Katara! We have all we need. You can register for courses. Here is your course calendar and a guide for students." The clerk smiled and bowed politely as she finished filing Katara's paperwork.

* * *

"Sorry we won't make it to the spa but we spent forever in that line." Katara walked up the stoop and looked to Azula who had continued to play with her yo yo. It made a loud whizzing sound as she spun it.

"Ah well." Azula grabbed the yo yo and held in her hand as they stood in front of the door of the house.

Katara picked up the mail out of the brass mailbox and noticed that Master Pakku had sent her a formal letter – it had a light blue paper envelope – the formal letters from the Fire Nation had bright red envelopes while the Earth Kingdom used white or the bland yellow gas bills came with. Katara found herself so excited she paid no attention to Azula who read the letter over Katara's shoulder.

"Oh nice!" Katara said as Karo answered the door. "Gran Gran and Pakku plan to pay me a visit on their way to spend summer at the South Pole. They apologize for missing the wedding but they will visit me this weekend and then visit Sokka and Suki."

"Oh goody." Azula pushed past Katara and showed her usual enthusiasm for family visits.

"I can show them around town and I can make the old Southern Water Tribe dishes." Katara walked in and slowly closed the door. "Any of you know where I can get squid or the ingredients for Five Flavor Soup or seal meat?"

"Gack!" Azula stuck out her tongue. "Fish equals death for me."

"What is Five Flavor Soup?" Karo limped slightly as he walked around the house. In his mind Five Flavor Soup sounded like some kind of food. He had seen small squid blundering around the shallow waters of the beach but no one ate them because no one really wanted to. He had to adjust his thinking to realize that one could eat them – they had no poison – but had to overcome certain aversions to eating tentacles.

"In the Water Tribes if it crawls you eat it, if it runs you club it to death and eat it." Azula fished through the mail and handed Karo some piece of mail for her mother and placed a book of coupons for fast food on the coffee table. "In the Fire Nation if the shark shows up at the beach the life guard blows the whistle and helps everyone out of the water. In the Water tribe they all go into the water and cut the shark into steaks and cutlets. What would you do if you came across a ten meter long squid?"

"Scream and get eaten?" Karo fumbled with the letter for his mother. "Wet myself? I have no real alternatives."

"How unlike the Water Tribe." Azula gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder. "In the Water Tribe you ring the dinner bell and everyone shows up with a different spice."

Smack!

"Hey!" Azula felt her arm where Katara had slapped it and knew she had beat up someone twice her size. "I can't eat fish and know nothing of the Water Tribes."


End file.
